Best God Damn Problem Sleuth

mephistophelian-diamond:

You swallow another gulp of the scalding substance and frown, staring down into it’s remainder. “Stressful… I suppose…” Cringing slightly, you set your mug down and put a hand to your head, feeling a headache coming on.

The truth was, the job had been relatively easy for the most part; the main difficulty being locating the woman in the first place. Her guards had been slow and stupid and she had gone down with little to no struggle.

Though that, in itself, was a little unnerving to you. Her very existence had sent an unwelcome chill through you and you had been glad to end her, though the feeling had persisted.

Shaking your head, you leaned farther on the counter, picking your tea back up and taking another sip. You hoped its heat would help ease the frigidness in your gut.

You frown as you watch him. Something about that job bothered him. You don’t know if you should ask about it or try to distract him. He doesn’t look good, though. In fact, he looks terrible. You’ve never seen Diamonds Droog look terrible before.

“Droog, maybe you should lie down,” you say. You stand up because you’re sure he should lie down and you’re going to make him. He’s stubborn and he hates showing weakness, so you’ll have to drag him back to the bedroom.

You’re not sure if you can pin him to the bed, so once you get him there it will probably be a game of who can take the most before he collapses.

You take Droog’s tea and set it on the table, then yank him to his feet. “Come on, get to bed.”

(Source: hardboiledcandycorn)

mephistophelian-diamond:

You frown slightly, but walk over to the alcohol cabinet and roll your eyes none the less, taking out a bottle of whiskey and a glass, setting it in front of him on the way back to the stove. You ready yourself some tea and lean against the counter, letting out a slow breath.

It bothers you more than you let on and you remain silent about it. You were never trusted, not even by him, and you…missed it. But you couldn’t really blame him. Slick had never had this problem with you. He trusted you to the end…

Without giving your tea the chance to cool down, you lift your mug up off of the counter and bring it to your lips, sipping, almost enjoying the small amount of pain it gave from the heat. Now was not the time to let your thoughts sink.

You grin when he hands you the whiskey. Yes, this is excellent. Just what the doctor ordered. You pour yourself a glass, but just as you’re about to drink you notice something’s off about Droog.

You’re a detective, you know he’s worrying about something. You can see it. You sigh and put the glass down. Fine. You won’t drink. You’ve had a lot to drink recently, anyway.

There’s an awkward silence following that. You don’t know what to say. Droog’s not really the talkative type, and he certainly would never show weakness. You know he still hates that you saw him curled in his room that day.

You need to talk about something. Now.

“Stressful job?” you ask. You can think of a few ways to relieve stress.

(Source: hardboiledcandycorn)

mephistophelian-diamond:

His question about worry drives the smile from your face for the moment as you think about the answer you know you don’t have to give. You honestly wish that this could be a place of safety and not have to worry about hurting the other…but the honest truth was you had no idea when you might slip. It had been some time, but….

“You know I do.” You glance at him as he walks in. “But now isn’t exactly a time for booze.” Smirking slightly, you watch him. “I give you my word. Nothing strange. Is earl grey fine?”

The truth is you both know it’s only a matter of time before Droog snaps and ties you to a table again. The only reason it hadn’t been lately is because he keeps leaving and hardly returns for long enough for you to see him.

“I’m not drinking any fucking tea,” you growl, but sit at the table nonetheless. You’ll stay with him. It’s the least you could do. After all, he puts up with you and there’s minimal torture involved.

(Source: hardboiledcandycorn)

mephistophelian-diamond:

You give him a quizzical look accompanied by a small smile. “Don’t let the comfort of my bed make you lazy. You need to stay on guard.” Turning, you let yourself smile a little more, knowing he’ll complain as you walk away. You need something to drink. You haven’t had a good cup of tea since you left for your last job and it was driving you mad.

Walking back to the kitchen and filling the kettle with water, you listened for whether or not your companion was going to choose to follow or not. You knew he was still weary of tea since the last time he took it from you, but you filled it enough for two anyway, giving a small chuckle at the memory.

“Droog the longer you smile the more innocent puppies die,” you say mockingly. You like his smile. Something about it puts you on edge but it’s also rather soothing to see, as well. You roll your eyes at him as he mentions being on your guard.

“Droog I’ve been on my guard since I lost my eye. Can’t I just flop on your bed and not worry about guarding myself?” You know you can’t. Droog’s a psychopath and he’d probably just as well jump you in an alley as any other creep roaming around. Think is instead of asking for your money he might ask for you to suck his dick (which admittedly you wouldn’t mind doing).

You wait a few minutes before following him into the kitchen. You really hope he’s not making tea, but he is. You refrain from groaning.

“Don’t you have whiskey or something?”

(Source: hardboiledcandycorn)

mephistophelian-diamond:

You give a small smile, hearing your usual greeting in the form of a half serious complaint. It was familiar though all together new. You were getting better at keeping your past behind you, but once and a while… 

“It could always be longer, you know. You’re just impatient.” 

You step in and look him over. “I see you’ve managed to mess up my bed again. How long have you been here this time?” 

You frown at him. “I’d rather not wait forever, thanks.” He smile, though, when he mentions the bed. You know he’s totally checking you out. He just says he’s noticing the bed because he can’t do anything that might me taken for attraction towards you.

“About four hours. Your bed is comfy, Droog.” You flop back on the bed to prove your point. Yeah, you really like this bed. You really like this house, actually. You haven’t managed to break any hearts in this house yet.

(Source: hardboiledcandycorn)

mephistophelian-diamond:

You’ve been on a job. You’re always on a job. It was tiresome, but it payed good. And that was what mattered. Your ever changing objective was the main thing that forced you to live each day.

But there was something else now, though still uncertain. Letting out a slow breath, releasing the last of the smoke from your lungs, you put it out and store it for proper disposal. You notice the locks on your door have been ungracefully picked once again and you give a small eye roll, unlocking them and pushing your door open.

The flat was quiet, so you assumed the other was sprawled on your bed as usual. Though no longer in the physical sense, Problem Sleuth often reminded you of a cat; messing up your furniture and always demanding attention. You couldn’t help but smile at the analogy as you unbuttoned your jacket and hung it up in the closet. The smile faded though as your thought slipped back to your last job.

It was strange, as they often were, but there was something about your main target that had troubled you. Those final moments of her life still played in the back of your mind.

“I know you.” Her words had been uttered in confidence, though her gaze seemed to pass right through you. You didn’t give her enough time to elaborate.

Sighing, you loosened your tie and made your way down the hall towards your bedroom.

You hear the door open but refrain from jumping out of bed and running to him. You don’t want to seem desperate (because breaking into his house every night isn’t desperate). So you wait for him with pillow hugged to your chest. He takes forever. He always does. You know he knows you’re here. He’s probably taking off all his clothes, folding them, unfolding them, and putting them back on. Repeatedly. He’s probably getting off on it. He loves clothes just so much.

Still, your heart skips a beat when you hear the footsteps come down the hall. You sit up when he gets to the doorway and you can’t help but grin.

“Fuck, Droog, you sure know how to keep a guy waiting.”

(Source: hardboiledcandycorn)

You’ve gotten better at picking the ten locks on Diamonds Droog’s door. It took you nearly five hours the first time and now you have it down to twenty minutes. Some day you might ask for a key because this is just getting ridiculous. It’s obvious his locks can’t keepyouout. You always lock the door behind you when you get inside.

Droog has a habit of disappearing, and though you tell yourself you don’t care you really do. Because then you have to spend time picking his locks. You hate going home. You spend most of your time either in your office or in a bar or in Droog’s bed.

You really wish Droog was with you when you’re in his bed, but he’s not. He hasn’t been… ever. You know he’s not exactly the romantic type but he could at least fuck you senseless in it and dump you on the floor afterwards. Then again, it might ruin his sheets. Stupid guy likes cloth more than he likes you.

But that’s what you got yourself into when you started this whole fiasco. You’re certainly not going to take it back now. Though you hate the loneliness, you keep yourself going on the thought that he could come back any day and maybe you’d stare meaningfully into each others eyes for a few seconds before he kicks you out of his house and you have to pick the locks again.

So you’re waiting in his bed with a pillow hugged to your chest for Droog to come home.

That’s ridiculous you don’t have a sixth sense. You roll over in Droog’s bed (you don’t spend much time at your place anymore) and go back to sleep. When the hell is the fucker gonna get home?

I guess it’s not the worst thing.

Fuck why is there bacon I’m gonna puke…